Thursday, April 28, 2011

The End of Days


Zombie Thursdays is a weekly feature with guest blogger, Miranda. You can read more about her here.

"
And the sea gave up the dead that were in it; and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works." Revelation 20:13

Recently, I have heard news reports about a group of people (led by an organization called Family Radio) who believe that "Judgement Day" will be on May 21, 2011. It is also their belief that this day will be followed by five months of torture for those on Earth and will culminate with the end of the world on October 21, 2011. During these five months, according to the book of Revelation, men will be plagued by locusts, fire, and the dead rising from their graves.

"When there's no more room left in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth..."

Okay... so that last quote isn't from the Bible, although many people seem to think that it is. As most horror fans will know, it actually comes from the film Dawn of the Dead. Just goes to show how iconic a film can be in that a line from it can be confused with biblical scripture. Not only that, many people believe that the end of days will signal a zombie apocalypse as well. Unfortunately, if you read the Bible, the walking dead don't really seem all that exciting. While the Bible does talk about the dead being resurrected from their graves so that those who died before the second coming of Christ can be given new life to be judged, it really doesn't say anything about the dead moaning and groaning around our cities and country sides looking to eat our brains. Darn!

Ken Foree delivering the famous line in original Dawn of the Dead

But driving to Chicago yesterday, I happened to see one of the many billboards being put up all over the country announcing May 21 as Judgement Day. And further investigation of this organization's many websites reveals that they really want you to believe that after May 21 and leading up to October 21, zombies will be roaming the world looking to torture those who were not taken up during "The Rapture." Oh, if only.

I'm just as much of a fan of a real zombie apocalypse as the next horror loving girl. But I'm afraid I just don't think it's going to happen next month. I could be wrong though... after all, the man who has predicted that May 21 is the big day has also been wrong before. He previously predicted that Septemeber 6, 1994 was going to be Judgement Day. Oops! Missed that one slightly.*

Ken Foree making a special cameo in Dawn of the Dead remake

But just in case the dead do rise from their graves in the next couple of weeks, keep these important things in mind--

1. Go buy a gun NOW. Don't wait. I'm pretty sure most places have a waiting period in which to get your firearm. May 21 is coming soon. You don't want to wait and not get your hold cleared. Then again, once the apocalypse strikes, you can probably just loot and steal the guns. In that case, be sure to have a baseball bat on hand to smash some store windows.

2. Head to a remote country location, but away from too many churches. Churches have graveyards, and you can see where that will lead! The more desolate the location, the better. There will be less zombies coming your way and less people trying to mooch off your supply stores.

3. Stock up on food and water. It does no good to barricade yourself in a farmhouse if you run out of stuff to keep you alive! Trust me... locking yourself in a shopping mall may seem like the smartest thing, but studies have shown that it is not. Might I suggest watching several episodes of Extreme Couponing.** These crazy people have learned how to make "stockpiles" of stuff that make their homes put Sam's Club to shame. Best of all, they work the system so that most of their supplies end up being free!

4. Watch a LOT of zombie movies... not only can you view them as educational films, but really... who doesn't love a good horror movie marathon with friends! It may be you last chance to hang out with your buddies before you all die.

Good luck, friends! I'll see you all back here on May 22 to see how our emergency plans are working out! Oh, no... what if Judgement Day kills the internet?? That really would be torture!

*Please take my criticisms with a touch of Robert Burns-esque satire. I consider myself a (slightly non-practicing) Christian, so I am in no way making fun of anyone's faith or beliefs. However... true Christians believe no one can predict the end of the world, so why should this guy be an exception? He's not. He's done this before and has been very wrong.

** Possibly the most disturbing show I've ever seen. These people spend at least 70+ hours a week clipping and hunting for coupons. Then they spend six hours at the grocery store literally buying hundreds of boxes of pasta because the combination of coupons make them all free. I'd rather have my brains eaten than live my life in this way.



8 comments:

  1. Miranda! Lets have a zombie movie marathon!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still remember the signs for the 1994 Rapture. Actually, you can still see some of them around Boston.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hm, I need to move to a remote mountain location with no churches for 50 miles by May 21. Anyone want to go in on a cabin? ;)

    Also: Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Here I've been thinking my torturous workouts are preparing me for the zombie apocalypse. I suppose if I was an extreme coupon person I could stockpile enough supplies to fight off the zombies.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's all about the extreme couponing. Seriously.

    Actually, what really disturbs me about Extreme Couponing is that, yes, they might get thousands of dollars worth of groceries for free, but the amount of time spent clipping and organizing is so not even worth it. Plus, one of the women gets online coupons, and she said she actually spent 70 dollars for these specialized online coupons. So, she may be getting her groceries for free, but how often does she pay for coupons? That show scares the crap out of me!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You know what show frightens me? Hoarders.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think the extreme couponers are just a breath away from becoming hoarders themselves. Actually, I am pretty sure that is TLC's next "big hit"-- Extreme Hoarding Couponers!

    ReplyDelete
  8. dude- my birthday is May 20th, which makes this totally uncool! I protest!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails