Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Flippant Girl’s Guide to the Most Ridiculous Holiday of the Year

On non-Leap Year years, February 14th marks the exact halfway point of the month*. It’s also Valentine’s Day. Known first as one of the millions of saint’s days, we can thank Chaucer for making it about sex**.

It would be great if that’s all what the holiday turned into, but we all know that is so not the case. If you’ve been around for a while, you know about my thoughts about red roses. So if you’re like me and can’t abide by what you’re supposed to do on this “holiday” or if you’re alone and feeling sorry for yourself, never fear—FLIPPANT GIRL IS HERE.

1. Role play. Pretend you’re an urban cupid, complete with foam bow and arrow. Walk around the crowded city streets and shoot unsuspecting passersby with your love arrow.

2. Live tweet your romantic dinner. Whether it’s for one or twenty, share all the things with the world. Did the waiter have a nice rear? Share! Did the guy with the off-kilter toupee make a pass at the college girl? Share! We should all live vicariously through you.

3. Live vicariously through someone. We all have that one person who has a story for every time they step out of the house. Today’s the day you shadow them.

4. Eat chocolate. Today it’s guilt-free.

5.  Drink wine in abundance. Today it’s hangover-free.

 

* That we’ve somehow blown past six weeks of 2012 shocks the shit out of me.

** Read in between the lines, people. It’s so about that.

12 comments:

  1. I plan to take advantage of #4! My hubby will take on #5, but is substituting wine for beer.

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    1. Oh, and I forgot to add, I am totally down with a cat self-portrait Tumblr...haha

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    2. I'm still waiting for chocolate. Despite my anti-Valentine's, Hubby is required to supply me with chocolate covered strawberries.

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  2. I'm so going to do #2. Hubby will love that. :)

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    1. If you commit to it, you definitely need to share the results.

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  3. This was hilarious :D I ate coffee cake for breakfast, does that count (instead of chocolate and wine)?

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  4. "Live tweet your romantic dinner." Love it! How awesome would it be if we ALL did that?! :) And yeah... totally consuming my weight in chocolate today. Why not?

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  5. I'll go for number five, regardless of holiday (or day of the week for that matter). I love your "flippant" post!

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  6. Chocolate is always a good idea and I ate lots of it on V-day. :)

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